looking back on 2019...

... and forward to 2020!

We're entering a new decade! Which feels so weird and cool to say at the same time. I don't remember entering the last decade in 2010, but I do remember entering 2019 with a sigh of relief 2018 had come to an end. I did value that year and everything I'd learned from the experiences I had. But it felt like the end of a stressful year and that was just what I needed.

2019 went very differently for me. I felt like I could take control of my life and change things for the better. This year I loved studying, the road ahead school-wise. And I watched a loooott of movies. Of course there is always the fear of 'getting a job' or the question 'what I will be able to do after I graduate', but I like what I'm doing now. I'll see what opportunities come on my path in two years.

I got a taste of what love might feel like. And it unfortunately disappeared quickly, by forces I couldn't control.

I made the trip of a lifetime. Went to Malaysia with my family and good friends of ours, which I look back on with so much joy and wonder filled memories. Even now I get reminded of the things we did and saw and get a big smile on my face.

I turned twenty years old and was surprised by my friends, whom I now see even more than last year. (Which I looove & brings so much more laughter in my life)

I got a new job at a theatre at the end of this year. It's still all so new, but I'm so glad I made that step. I also (finally) got my driver's license after taking the exam 4 times. And it feels like such a relief.

For 2020 I wish lots more trips and wonderful moments. With or without my family. Since I will be studying abroad next school year, being away from my family will happen more often. I hope I'll be able to find peace with that and grow in the ability to take care of myself. I hope I'll be able to be at peace with the doubts and fears I sometimes feel when people expect something from me. And I expect too much of myself. I hope I fail and make mistakes. That will be my resolution for 2020: make mistakes. Lots of 'em. Learn to fix the problems, but also know that it is okay when something feels uncomfortable. Not everything has to be perfect. Really.

And most of all: I wish you all a lovely last evening of 2019. And to see lots of you in 2020!

love,

eva

christmas gift guide

The most festive, coziest, food-and-family filled holiday is almost upon us! And whilst there is a Christmas playlist melody playing I am typing up this blogpost. For a lot of people Christmas is the equivalent of gift-giving to the ones we hold most dear. In my family we don't celebrate Christmas with presents, but in Holland we have a tradition at the beginning of December called Sinterklaas. That's when we give presents to each other (& the littles get presents from Sinterklaas), so Christmas is basically about food & fam. But!! That doesn't mean that I don't need ideas for presents...

❄ ❄ ❄

my blog is 4 years old!

Ahhh I still remember that sweet winters day in 2015 when I started my blog... How time flies (when you're having fun but also some hard times)!

I remember doubting every step I took at the beginning of this adventure. And look at us now! So much has happened. And even in these busy weeks (especially this one, school deadlines...) I wanted to dedicate a post to this amazing anniversary. Partly because I never ever would have thought I'd still be doing this now, but I love it.

I feel like I was kind of original at the beginning of this journey. I came up with new ideas to post and things to write about. I've kind of lost that over the years due to lack of time or energy. But now I feel like I'm slowly regaining my voice and just filling my blog with my interests. In the upcoming year I'd like to do this even more. I already have some ideas to incorporate my art in my blog and the exchange abroad which I'm going to make at the beginning of September next year will be another highlight that I can't wait to share.

And for anyone who reads this: Thank you for your support, kind words and the fact that you're reading this. It means more to me than you know. I hope you have a lovely sunday & will stick with me for another year <3

love,

eva

darling flowers wallpaper

❀ ❀ ❀

turning twenty

11 11 2019

today i became twenty years old. twenty years on this globe. the past couple of months people have asked me, and i have asked myself, how does that feel? almost being twenty? being twenty now, on this day? 

to be honest, at first i dreaded it. twenty years is a lot. i thought i had to say goodbye to my teenage years. the years that held most of my memories. but then i was reminded that it wasn’t a goodbye. it was a see you again. see you when i’m reminded, or whenever i need those lessons and memories.

i am very grateful of what the years from my tenth birthday up till now have brought me. i feel like they are the years where i discovered who i was. or helped me change to who i wanted to be, or was meant to be. i’m happy with all the lessons it gave me, all the questions and all the answers. some of which i have yet to discover. 

something also changed in the feeling about 'facing my twenties'. i felt, and feel, a sense of peace. of calmness. entering my twenties today feels like a new ten years have been added to my future, in which i can make mistakes, learn, grow. being twenty has made me look back, but also look forward in the sense that i will be able to do so much. to build upon the things i’ve done and gain new experiences or revisit old ones. it's scary, but exciting.

it’s nice being twenty. to be able to look back. like today, i’m taking a journey by train to university, not even a bit afraid of all the things that could go wrong. this seems like a small thing, but it’s something i wouldn’t have imagined to do a few years ago. 

but it's also nice to look forward to what the future may bring. to dream without expectations and be excited about all the love and friendship and little moments that will be there. 

i hope on this day, the eleventh of the eleventh, wherever you are, you have a nice day filled with lots of little moments. the moments that matter. and that you don’t dread what’s in your future or past, but live and love the now. 

lots of love,

eva